I...Me...Myself

The Only Thing I Am Sorry For...

2006-05-24T05:14:00.000+12:00

The only thing I am sorry for,
Is that it took me so long.
To find the one to share with me,
Life's beauty all around.
To live with me and laugh out loud
At all that must go on.
Facing hardships, toil and tears,
While working though the years.
The only thing I am sorry for,
Is that it too me much too long...

At times I feel as if I'm simply growing like a grass, with emotions as hard as metal brass. I simply want to flow like streams of lively waterfall and enlighten my bruished and broken soul...

~ Crushed Me!

Whts this?????

2006-05-06T08:21:00.000+12:00

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

It hurts...

2006-05-06T06:00:00.000+12:00

I will never ask for anything from anyone
As it hurts me more than anyone...
And when I touched my heart it cried,
Don't bleed me or I'll die.

~ Crushed Me........

I want to...

2006-05-03T04:50:00.000+12:00

I want to embrace you...
I want to feel the warmth of your hand in my hand...
I want to sit next to you and speak endlessly...
I want to see that comforting smile on your face,
that would let me forget all the worries in the world...

I want to...
I want to......

Will this be captived only in my dreams???????

~ Nithya!

A Distant Star...

2006-05-02T04:34:00.000+12:00

A distant star that reminds me of you,
reminds me of how far it is between us two.

A distant star that shines so bright,
always ignites the darkness of night.

A distant star that Twinkles in the skies,
reminds me of the twinkles in your eyes.

A distant star thats so far away,
always gives me the hope for a better day.

The distant star thats so far away,
twinkles all night and day.
Ignites the night with a bright light ray,

Can Only Be meant to say
That you're that distant Star....

~ Nithya!

It's Never Too Late To Fall In Love...

2006-05-01T08:18:00.000+12:00

She stopped on her morning walk along the sea front, to watch the children playing on the beach. Watching them splash amongst the waves, leaping in and out, air filled with cries of laughter. Her gaze swept along the beach taking in the family's enjoying the sunshine. Some building sand castle's or playing ball, others just lapping up the sun rays.

A ball came rolling towards her, and a 'hey miss, get our ball please' came from a small group of boys playing soccer on the beach. She knew what she wanted to do, she had done it so many, many times before. Just flick the ball up with her toe, onto her knee then volley it back to the waiting boys. Her mind told her body what to do, but is no longer answered as it used to do. Her attempt to flick the ball, was slow, and she found herself scurrying around to pick the ball up and throw it back, rather than kick it. She was like a little girl she thought, no not a little girl anymore...have grown old! " After all ", she said to herself with a sign, "that's what I am."

She watched the sun sparkling on the shimmering sea, and the soft gentle breeze, sent her mind back, not that many years ago at all really, but it seemed a lifetime.

She had moved to the coast having finished her daily working days. Her life had been one of enjoyment, and now she needed rest. Throughout her years she had known every emotion going from the happiness of love, to the hurt of an ignorance. But now she had thought she needed a place to see out her last lonely years. She had found a small cottage with enough of a garden to keep her busy, a pub near enough to pass the odd evenings, and views and walks to keep the body and mind in active. It was on one of these walks she had first met him , just as she had round the headland, there he was just sitting there gazing out to sea, the sun behind him, surrounding him like a golden halo. A vision that would always stick with her for the rest of her life. It was the start of so many day and months of happiness, something she thought would never happen again to her.

After all, it was too late...time passed by. He never once mentioned the years between them. And when once she had brought up about her age, his age, he sealed her lips with a kiss and said, " It's never too late to fall in love...," the lines of an old song that even now echoed through her thoughts. He soon moved into their cottage, and their world was one of roses, sunny days and happiness.

A chill ran through her, like the first sign of the coming of winter on an autumn day. She remembered last few months of their lives together, and the bitter taste left when he felt her all alone, a taste that poisoned her body, and broke her heart. Still photographs flashes across her minds eye, his smile, his purity, and that first time she saw him, lit by the sun. Then the last time she saw him as she held his hand, and she could swear he was at that moment once more surrounded by that same golden glow.

A ball brushing against her legs, woke her up from her dreams. This time she thought, and she kicked the ball, straight back to the children who waved and said thanks, as she smiled and looked down at his last gift to her.

There in the sand she always enjoyed seeing people happy around along the sea front on her daily walk, was the sleeping form of her dreams. She smiled , and words he had said that one time came back to her : It's never too late to fall in love....

~ Nithya!

I lost You before I even found You...

2006-04-29T04:41:00.000+12:00

How could I be so naive and silly?
To love you so much, so deeply
without thinking about the reality.
I trusted you completely
& dedicated my whole self to you entirely
A little care shown by you
took me out of my blues
I thought you loved me too
the same way as I loved you!
But now today I know
no flower survives the heavy snow
How empty,unspoken words
could make you feel this love?
I am lost and lonely again
with an excruciating pain
looks like all my prayers have gone in vain
And now I've come to realize that
each day was a step towards losing you
I lost You before I even found You.....

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished assignments, time still to be served. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life....

And i realise, three passions have governed my life: The longings for love, the search for knowledge, And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
* Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness. In the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
* With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of [people]. I have wished to know why the stars shine.
* Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens, but always pity brought me back to earth; Cries of pain reverberated in my heart of the love lost. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, And I too suffer.

This has been my life!!!! Dont know if that was too complex to understand..... :-)

~ Nithya

I Will Always Cherish the Past...

2006-04-27T03:38:00.000+12:00

I will always cherish the past
The days are gone but memories still last

A Treasured Day...

2005-12-16T03:43:00.000+11:00

Am in a fairly good mood today firstly its my mommy dear's b'day.... secondly I received a mail from International Society of Poet's, MD, USA saying...The Editors of The International Library of Poetry were thrilled to inform me that my poem has bestowed the prestigious Editor's Choice Award because of my artistic accomplishments and unique perspective -- characteristics found in the most noteworthy poetic works. To further commemorate this prestigious achievement the poetry society have also elected me to receive the 2005 Editor's Choice Published Poet Ribbon Award Pin.

And here's I dedicate my verses to my Mom on her B'day.....

Mother you are simply special....

You're as soft and graceful as a butterfly,

yet as strong and courageous as a grizzly bear.

Your heart is large enough to hold

everyone's pain and joy.

Your hands are always gentle and soothing.

You arms are always warm and tender.

You work hard to make a

home feel like home,

and strive to make life pleasant

and comfortable for those you love.

You never fail to go that extra mile to

make the holidays happy and memorable.

Your job is the most difficult

and demanding ever known to any human being,

yet you're fully dedicated to the task.

You're always there for us,

guiding and keeping us safe from harm.

You own a magical way to raise

spirits and make everything feel better.

And your sympathy, unselfishness

and forgiveness are unending.

All that anyone is or could ever hope to be

can be attributed to a mother.

You instill the teachings

that will last a lifetime.

You have sown the seeds of virtue and morality,

and in the process, you have opened up love

and vast horizons.

You're always watching and hoping that

our goals will have meaning.

You always listen and try to understand

even when it's difficult to do so.

You're a true friend in every sense of the word.

You're noble and sublime,

and hold all the beauty of a golden day,

yet even during the storms,

you always shine bright like an evening star.

Your name should be honored well,

for you're the closest thing to God on earth....

Wish you love, courage, strength, faith and wisdom. And days full of of happiness and peace, beneath the sun, and lasting contentment when the day is done.

Happy Birthday Mom!!!!!

~ Nithya!

Sleep.....

2005-12-14T02:53:00.000+11:00

Sleep: a state in which you recover. A state of unconsciousness. Often accompanied by dreams. I wish I could get myself some sleep but my entire body is hurting. I don't know how come. It's lame to write an entry about this but I want to keep myself busy till the pain vanishes. Whatever position I put myself into; it always hurts all over the place. I don't know what's next. I've tried sleepingpills, I've tried painkillers. Nothing seems to work. My doctor says that I'll have to learn to live with it. I'm not sure if I can.

Sleep is very important to me lately. It's the only time that I can truly "escape" now that I'm done with real hard painful days. And now I have to miss those hours... Aouch. I have slept for 5 hours in the last 4 days. It's NOT good. And the hardest part is that I'm actually tired. I wànt to fall asleep. It's not that I don't wanna... I just can't. Bcoz of the pain. I really don't know what I'm going to do tonight... It's 4am and I have to be at work at 10am again. That's 6 hours to go. And prolly no sleep again...

Can one die from having not enough nightrest, I wonder...?

Simulation...

2005-12-13T04:16:00.000+11:00

Those who believe suitably programmed computers could enjoy conscious experience of the sort we enjoy must accept the possibility that their own experience is being generated as part of a computerized simulation. It would be a mistake to dismiss this is just one more radical sceptical possibility: if advances in computer technology were to continue at close to present rates, there would be a strong probability that we are each living in a computer simulation. Roger Penrose doesn't beleive this but I do ;-)

Romance...... ;)

2005-12-08T03:09:00.000+11:00

Today I have been thinking about Romance. I think I have discovered a lot about this Romantic love. I thank my dumb and idiot collegues who gave me an opportunity to think over this issue through the useless meetings I had today with them. My quest have just ended up about half an hour ago, when I finally saw the dictionary meanining of Romance.This idea of romantic love, the way we think of it today, is really a fairly recent notion, historically speaking. Even today, the majority of the Earth's population takes a more conservative approach to relationships especially in our Eastern countries. The general idea is: First you meet, then you marry, then you work together building trust and friendship, and then love is just a natural byproduct of that endeavor. I think Mark Twain understood this idea, when he said, "You don't know what true love is until you've been married a quarter-century."

But generally, in the West, people tend to treat this emotion of "being in love" as a grand, wonderful thing. That kind of love can certainly be a powerful substance, but then again, so can cocaine. In reality, I believe it to be an unstable and dangerous state of mind. When someone is in love, they are prone to make poor decisions, to place themselves in compromising circumstances, to sacrifice their principles, to subject themselves to mistreatment, and to generally act in ways that could be unhealthy. Plus, when that love is not reciprocated, it can cause intense feelings of anger, hatred, and hurtfulness. I know that being in love can be very exciting at times. I'm sure that schizophrenia can also be very exciting at times, but that's hardly a desirable state of mind.

I was not entirely surprised to see my dictionary define romance as: "a disposition to ignore what is real."

So, its been a wonderful day at my end...which passed much at ease with not much work-load unlike last few weeks had been..... ;)

~ Nithya!

The Drifting Cloud...

2005-12-05T02:12:00.000+11:00

Today was one of those days which made me dwell into an introspection....and i came to a conclusion that life's been fairly simple for me...I have been looking towards the past recently, and I have been doing it in order to liberate myself from it. Am feeling like revisiting my childhood or rekindling certain relationships with old friends. But then I presume the planets are making me a bit too romantic ;-), and unexpectedly I have been disappointed by the reality of things. And I have realised looking backwards isn't really the best way to move towards the future. Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be!

Sometimes I see myself as a drifting cloud....

I am a cloud.
Drifting, collecting moisture and dust,
Information that will evaporate,
or get lost within a day or so.
A cloud with so much potential I waste it.
Blocking out the sunshine
from the seeds that dwell in my heart,
preventing them from growing.
My loving gardener waters those seeds,
keeps them alive,but I continue to drift.
Looking for a thunder
cloudto help me water my seeds,
motivating my grass to grow and prosper....

I think its just a drifting phase of life......and hope I'd soon get back to normal......

Anticipation kills a big time!!!!

~ Nithya.

A lil about me... :-)

2005-12-02T02:12:00.000+11:00

Before I start rolling words into this blog...heres' something to start with about me.....

Who have I become?

When I was very young, my greatest aspiration was to become a physicist. Soon after, I began to tend toward being an astronaut. When I was a little older, I decided I should become an engineer and later still, I thought I might like to be a well-known architect. Finally I settled into the shoes of a nameless IT-Professional. Little later after acquiring some managerial skills here I am to the better corporate world working in the Business Development domain!

What is this all about?

My name is Nithya Anantham. I am another victim of youth with a bent toward's this early adulthood, locked in a steady but natural downward slope from great, unique aspirations to comfortable orthodoxy. I am me, you are me, we are we, we are everybody.

When did this start?

Youth lacks experience and therefore demands experimentation. So, as a child you may freely question, and contradict; you may visualize and fantasize; you may explore the world and yourself to your heart's content because it is understood and expected. And then predictably, as expectancy changes, so do you.

Where is this going?

This is a path born of necessity. We must conform to operate successfully as a society. So we drive on the right side of the road, we pay our taxes and bills, we learn to cook and clean, balance our checkbooks, we buy letter-pads and pens , 9-5 jobs, chatty friends, cute pets, clothing that isn't new enough to be trendy nor old enough to be retro, .You see yourself and scream, "what have I become?!!" and enter mid-life crisis.

Why does this matter?

I am afraid of the world and I am afraid of what I might become. I don't want to be everybody; I want to be me. I need chaos. I need aspirations. I need that supernatural that breaks up the regularity of life. So here is my mission: I will love with passion, I will live without boundary, I will not be undersold. I will remain unique, stupid, and pungently me, good and bad, until the day I go to out and set my foot to some extraordinal accomplishment.

~ Nithya!